Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time long, long ago getting pregnant was so easy. Once upon a time long, long ago I was healthy. There were no such thing as monthly doctor visits and blood tests or daily medication. Oh how I long for that once upon a time long, long ago!

"Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting.  We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come."

-Joseph F. Smith

On the road again....

I am back on the road again... The trying for a baby road. I am happy to be back. Before the rest stop I was at about mile marker 584. That's how many days we tried... Give or take a few. I am supposed to somehow trick my mind that I am really only on mile marker 0 and starting over because those first 584 miles didn't count. I was excited about the idea of getting back on the road. I was sick of being stuck with "engine problems" at the rest stop. But this road is scary. It's every twenty ninth mile or so that usually gets the best of me... Like today. I am at mile twenty nine and it is so painful here. This is usually the point where my heart is crushed into a thousand hopeless pieces. Usually there are people here at mile 29 but they're celebrating. Sam and I were driving today. Jack was in the back seat. Sam said to me can you imagine another little baby back there. I responded most painfully with, "no, I really can't." I used to imagine lots of babies in my backseat. But I don't anymore. I can't. It's so painful. I want another baby in that back seat and in our family so badly. I just don't know how many more miles it will take. This road can feel so lonely at times. It can be so depressing and long. I hate not knowing how long this trip is going to take, but I believe it is taking me to a wonderful place and so I travel on.