This will be short and to the point...
I took Jackson to his original pediatrician (who we had to stop seeing when I was laid off last year) and she said there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with his head! I couldn't be happier. She was very thorough and explained a lot of the "what ifs" that our other doctor did not explain. We are very happy and content. I haven't worried about his head since! Yay! Clouds are parting!
I had testing done on Friday. I won't get the results for 2 weeks. Yikes! The doctor did not see any lesion on my cervix this time, but said there is definitely something going on with my cervix. It continues to bleed throughout the month-- mostly around the 21st day of my cycle! I will keep you posted. I am praying everything is ok.
Still not pregnant. Sometimes I think this is a good thing because what if I was pregnant and there is something wrong with me. Sometimes I think I am not pregnant because there MUST be something wrong with me. Sometimes I want to give up and adopt a baby girl from China in hopes that my sisters in law will help us pay for all of the paperwork! They love Asia! :) Sometimes I just try to accept that I may only have one child. Sometimes I just don't understand all of this, well a lot of time I don't understand it.
We have not heard any thing more from our insurance company regarding the accident. Out of sight out of mind-- not the lady who is hurt of course, but just the worry of being sued is. We will see how this runs it course.
This is a really quick update on us.... Thanks for all of your prayers and concern!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
"The Not So Road Less Traveled"
I have felt so overwhelmed with emotion for the past day. For months now I have felt alone. I have felt great pain with every pregnancy announcement, baby shower invitation, weekly facebook updates with belly photos and all, births.... etc. In no way did I not feel happy for whoever it was that was announcing, updating, celebrating, and birthing. I just wanted it to be me too.
After posting on facebook last night about FertilAide many friends commented and sent me messages about their own struggles with becoming pregnant. Here I thought that I was all alone. Alone on the road less traveled because everyone else around me seemed to be on the other road- The crowded one, the fertile one. While I wish so badly that these friends, many who have been trying so much longer than I and some who haven't had the opportunity to mother at all, did not have to be on this painful road, I feel strengthened to know that I am not alone. I feel like I can keep going. That if more months bring more negative tests I will somehow be ok. And so I just wanted these friends to know how grateful I am that they were so willing to open up to me about something that is so incredibly painful. I am sure we have all asked ourselves: What is wrong with me? Do I not deserve a baby? What am I doing wrong in my life? Does God not love me enough to give me a baby? But I know that we do deserve this. That God does love us. And He is grateful that we desire such a righteous thing. Because He knows that being a mother is no easy thing. It is the hardest thing I think women are blessed to do on this Earth.
Many may not understand what I am feeling because I already have one child. People often say, you know you can get pregnant, carry, and birth a baby so why are you so worried. And they are right. I do know that. I do know why I feel so worried- time. I hate time. It makes me so uncomfortable. I measure everything against time. And so much time has gone by. If I would have gotten pregnant as fast as I did with Jack I would be holding a baby in my arms by now. Every month I check the calendar. If I am pregnant this month I will be 16 weeks when school breaks for summer. I will be 24 weeks when school begins again. I will be due in... etc. etc. etc. Can you see why I hate time. And then there are those who think I should feel satisfied because I already have a child. As if me wanting more children makes me less grateful for the one I already have. What is always so ironic to me is that the people who would say this to me usually have a handful of children themselves. I wanted to just say well then why didn't you just stop at one? Wasn't your first born enough for you? But you see it's not that at all. I simply want to mother. I want to have as many children as I possibly can have. If I actually can't have any more children will I be happy with my one? Of course. Will the longing for more subside? Perhaps in time it will.
Simply said... I just want to mother. I have wanted to my whole life. I only ever imagined having a large family. My entire life I imagined something different than what is in front of me. Maybe this is why it is so difficult. Life is just so hard sometimes. There really is no explanation other than this is mortality. And mortality is full of pain and trial. But it is also full of joy and blessings. And I am holding out strong for those.
So to those of you who are traveling on this road with me please know that I am praying for you.
After posting on facebook last night about FertilAide many friends commented and sent me messages about their own struggles with becoming pregnant. Here I thought that I was all alone. Alone on the road less traveled because everyone else around me seemed to be on the other road- The crowded one, the fertile one. While I wish so badly that these friends, many who have been trying so much longer than I and some who haven't had the opportunity to mother at all, did not have to be on this painful road, I feel strengthened to know that I am not alone. I feel like I can keep going. That if more months bring more negative tests I will somehow be ok. And so I just wanted these friends to know how grateful I am that they were so willing to open up to me about something that is so incredibly painful. I am sure we have all asked ourselves: What is wrong with me? Do I not deserve a baby? What am I doing wrong in my life? Does God not love me enough to give me a baby? But I know that we do deserve this. That God does love us. And He is grateful that we desire such a righteous thing. Because He knows that being a mother is no easy thing. It is the hardest thing I think women are blessed to do on this Earth.
Many may not understand what I am feeling because I already have one child. People often say, you know you can get pregnant, carry, and birth a baby so why are you so worried. And they are right. I do know that. I do know why I feel so worried- time. I hate time. It makes me so uncomfortable. I measure everything against time. And so much time has gone by. If I would have gotten pregnant as fast as I did with Jack I would be holding a baby in my arms by now. Every month I check the calendar. If I am pregnant this month I will be 16 weeks when school breaks for summer. I will be 24 weeks when school begins again. I will be due in... etc. etc. etc. Can you see why I hate time. And then there are those who think I should feel satisfied because I already have a child. As if me wanting more children makes me less grateful for the one I already have. What is always so ironic to me is that the people who would say this to me usually have a handful of children themselves. I wanted to just say well then why didn't you just stop at one? Wasn't your first born enough for you? But you see it's not that at all. I simply want to mother. I want to have as many children as I possibly can have. If I actually can't have any more children will I be happy with my one? Of course. Will the longing for more subside? Perhaps in time it will.
Simply said... I just want to mother. I have wanted to my whole life. I only ever imagined having a large family. My entire life I imagined something different than what is in front of me. Maybe this is why it is so difficult. Life is just so hard sometimes. There really is no explanation other than this is mortality. And mortality is full of pain and trial. But it is also full of joy and blessings. And I am holding out strong for those.
So to those of you who are traveling on this road with me please know that I am praying for you.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Update
Please excuse what will seem like my own personal pity party below... Here is an update on what's been going on in our lives!
1. Our family was in a car accident 2 days after Christmas while on vacation in Utah... our first day of vacation to be exact. Long story short... it was our fault, our car was totaled, I was taken by ambulance along with the driver of the other car, the passenger in the other car, an 81 year old woman, was taken by helicopter to Las Vegas, we prayed and fasted the lady would be ok, we got a new Dodge Journey and a new car payment :(, we got a letter letting us know that we could possibly be sued for our assets. That's where we stand with that.
2. As most of you know we have been trying for a baby for a while, a long while. I had some strange bleeding for a couple months so decided to make a doctors appointment. My OB said that he just thought it was dips in my hormones that were causing me to spot throughout the month. Then last week I started bleeding more than usual. So I went to see my family doctor and she found a lesion on my cervix. So, time will tell what that means... trauma, cyst, abnormal cells, cervical cancer? Obviously, I am still not pregnant.
3. I took Jack to his 2 year check up today. The doctor is concerned about the growth of Jack's head. He feels that it grew too much since his 18 month check up. I asked him what this could mean and his reply was, "it can indicate a lot of rare conditions". So he said he wants to wait 3 months to see how much it grows. HE WANTS TO WAIT 3 MONTHS. That means 3 long months of worry for me. If his head is still growing too fast, the doctor will order a CT Scan which will require Jackson to be put under. Have any of you gone through this with your child/children. If so, please share! It might help calm my nerves.
So all in all, I have been a freakin' basket case lately. When it rains it pours right? Well I am waiting for the sunshine and rainbows. They should be showing up really soon shouldn't they?
So please keep us in your prayers. We sure could use them. Especially pray that Jack just has a large head and that there isn't anything wrong with my sweet boy.
1. Our family was in a car accident 2 days after Christmas while on vacation in Utah... our first day of vacation to be exact. Long story short... it was our fault, our car was totaled, I was taken by ambulance along with the driver of the other car, the passenger in the other car, an 81 year old woman, was taken by helicopter to Las Vegas, we prayed and fasted the lady would be ok, we got a new Dodge Journey and a new car payment :(, we got a letter letting us know that we could possibly be sued for our assets. That's where we stand with that.
2. As most of you know we have been trying for a baby for a while, a long while. I had some strange bleeding for a couple months so decided to make a doctors appointment. My OB said that he just thought it was dips in my hormones that were causing me to spot throughout the month. Then last week I started bleeding more than usual. So I went to see my family doctor and she found a lesion on my cervix. So, time will tell what that means... trauma, cyst, abnormal cells, cervical cancer? Obviously, I am still not pregnant.
3. I took Jack to his 2 year check up today. The doctor is concerned about the growth of Jack's head. He feels that it grew too much since his 18 month check up. I asked him what this could mean and his reply was, "it can indicate a lot of rare conditions". So he said he wants to wait 3 months to see how much it grows. HE WANTS TO WAIT 3 MONTHS. That means 3 long months of worry for me. If his head is still growing too fast, the doctor will order a CT Scan which will require Jackson to be put under. Have any of you gone through this with your child/children. If so, please share! It might help calm my nerves.
So all in all, I have been a freakin' basket case lately. When it rains it pours right? Well I am waiting for the sunshine and rainbows. They should be showing up really soon shouldn't they?
So please keep us in your prayers. We sure could use them. Especially pray that Jack just has a large head and that there isn't anything wrong with my sweet boy.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Valentine's Day Subway Art
Yes people I am still alive. So much has been going on lately, but I will save that for another post. Since we are living at home with Sam's parents right now I haven't really been into crafting. Today I got home from the temple and felt the need to create something. So now I am sharing it with all of you! Since Valentine's Day is right around the corner I decided to go with the ever so easy subway art. It makes a great decoration. Click on the picture below. It will be opened in a new window. From there right click on the picture and hit save as. You can print it as large as 16x20. I always print my subway art at Costco! Enjoy!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Cruelty at Its Finest!
So folks I was late this month (and still am)... My hopes were so high. But much to no avail it is still a negative. I decided to go for the old fashion pregnancy test this time- 1 line not pregnant, 2 lines pregnant. The results were quick and immediate. It kinda felt like the pain you feel when you quickly rip off a band-aid. Unlike the digital test which is more like taking a band-aid of slowly. I don't know which I prefer because in the end the pain in my heart was still the same. I gave myself a 5 minute ugly cry moment. (Have you ever stood in front of a mirror during an ugly cry? It actually isn't a bad idea because when you see just how ugly you look you will probably stop crying sooner!) I must admit that I felt a little lingering anger as I drove to work. But for the most part, I felt I handled it somewhat well.
I find this to be the "cruelist" (which is not a word outside of my world) joke mother nature has ever played on me!!!! In fact the joke is continuing on.... since I still haven't started. The craziest part of all is this lingering hope that I have that maybe just maybe I actually could be pregnant. But when I actually think about it I know I am not, and so another month begins. Please just let this vicious and depressing cycle break sometime soon!!!
I find this to be the "cruelist" (which is not a word outside of my world) joke mother nature has ever played on me!!!! In fact the joke is continuing on.... since I still haven't started. The craziest part of all is this lingering hope that I have that maybe just maybe I actually could be pregnant. But when I actually think about it I know I am not, and so another month begins. Please just let this vicious and depressing cycle break sometime soon!!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
31 Wreath
I totally took the easy way out on this one and copied a wreath I did for Christmas last year! This is super easy. It took me a little less than 2 hours from start to finish! (Perfect craft while your baby naps!) All you need is a foam or straw wreath foam, sewing pins, about six 12x12 scrapbook pages, a paper slicer, and a bone folder. Take your 12x12 papers and cut them into 1/2 " x 12" pieces. Once you have a whole bundle of strips in all different patterns take the bone folder and curl the paper. Once you have a ton a curly papers stick a pin through the middle and stick it into your wreath form. Continue until the whole wreath is full. I worked on one section at a time. Add embellishments as desired. I remembered a ribbon wreath that Jen from Tatertots and Jello did for Halloween one year and she added the numbers 31 to it and I just loved it, so that is who I copied it from!!! Enjoy.
And just in case you are wondering why I am taking a picture of the wreath on a rocking chair it's because I have the worst lighting on my front door where my wreath is currently hanging. I chose to keep this one inside since it is a paper wreath.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
BOO Blocks
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
