Thursday, August 11, 2011

Enough

As many of you know from my post last month Sam and I are trying for a baby. I got pregnant with Jackson after just 4 short cycles. I remember wondering then if it would ever really happen. I worried about what a co worker told me about her infertility problems. She attributed these problems to a surgery she had right before entering puberty (8-11 ish). She also said a lot of women who had this same surgery at a younger age were suffering from the same problem. Well I had the same surgery at 9 years old. I worried that I would face the same problems. Luckily, I was able to get pregnant the old fashion way and relatively quickly. I was so relieved. I was so happy. I was so grateful.

Well lately I have really struggled. Many, including family members, don't really understand why I am so worried about not being pregnant yet. I don't know if it is so much that I am worried but more that I just yearn for it so badly. Lately, a lot of friends and family members have announced their pregnancies. And although I am so happy for each and every one of them I can't help but feel a little pain each time I hear or see an announcement. I think naturally we ask the question Why not me? I never ask why her or them but just ask why not me too? When will it be my turn?

A couple of weeks ago I was laying down with Jackson before his nap. I whispered in his ear how happy I am that it's "just him" and that I am so happy that we have had this much time with him as our only child. I also told him how I wish he could be a big brother soon. BUT for now we will just enjoy this special time with the 3 of us- mama, dada, and jack. Maybe this was a little revelation to me. That I should enjoy what I have because for right now it really is 'enough'. I realized that I have already been blessed with so much more than so many others, and that I need to be a little more grateful and a lot less absorbed in my own wants. Until Heavenly Father decides to send us another one of his precious children we will enjoy what is ours already, and by doing so we will realize that it is enough!

3 comments:

Holly and Brad said...

What a sweet post Megan! I loved that quote at the top too. Very insightful.

Heidi (Todd) Broberg said...

Megan I KNOW how you feel. We got pregnant with Ella is 3 months and Asher the 1st month, so after a YEAR of trying for another it has been SO emotional and we just didn't understand.

It took a lot of emotions & prayers, but we have realized that for whatever reason it is happening this way, AND just like you said how blessed to have a sweet little guy already.

I know it doesn't ease the pain or not hurt when all your friends at church have new babies or prego, etc. BUT I will pray for you and in the Lord's time!!!

You are a GREAT MOM!

Kristin Milius said...

Well said Megan!! Everyone has struggles and its how you deal with them that shows your true strength.