So folks I was late this month (and still am)... My hopes were so high. But much to no avail it is still a negative. I decided to go for the old fashion pregnancy test this time- 1 line not pregnant, 2 lines pregnant. The results were quick and immediate. It kinda felt like the pain you feel when you quickly rip off a band-aid. Unlike the digital test which is more like taking a band-aid of slowly. I don't know which I prefer because in the end the pain in my heart was still the same. I gave myself a 5 minute ugly cry moment. (Have you ever stood in front of a mirror during an ugly cry? It actually isn't a bad idea because when you see just how ugly you look you will probably stop crying sooner!) I must admit that I felt a little lingering anger as I drove to work. But for the most part, I felt I handled it somewhat well.
I find this to be the "cruelist" (which is not a word outside of my world) joke mother nature has ever played on me!!!! In fact the joke is continuing on.... since I still haven't started. The craziest part of all is this lingering hope that I have that maybe just maybe I actually could be pregnant. But when I actually think about it I know I am not, and so another month begins. Please just let this vicious and depressing cycle break sometime soon!!!
I find this to be the "cruelist" (which is not a word outside of my world) joke mother nature has ever played on me!!!! In fact the joke is continuing on.... since I still haven't started. The craziest part of all is this lingering hope that I have that maybe just maybe I actually could be pregnant. But when I actually think about it I know I am not, and so another month begins. Please just let this vicious and depressing cycle break sometime soon!!!